reminder for me

this entry is not meant for sharing.
i am writing this only to remind myself later
of how my life left like today.
so if you are not the writer
i hope you would have the decency to stop reading by now.

today oct. 12, 2007 friday 00:10 am
come oct. 13 is my graduation day.
and mind you i have high grades
really worth mentioning grades for a fourth year student
who doesnt even study or barely shows up in class
but i just came home from somar with tel, p & fej
tel asked me to tarvs this guy who kept on looking my way
so i did, he even gave me a cheek kiss and held my waist
maybe he was interested.
maybe not.
or maybe it was just because he had a girlfriend.
either way, i dont give a damn.
all i wanted to do was to feel like i was still likeable
to do things that irresponsible fun loving immature youngster do
having very little attention from my very busy
and physically absent (however very loyal & in love) boyfriend
i guess i still wanted to see if i was still pretty (hehehe)
we girls need that from time to time
but it doesnt mean that we mean to cheat or anything
a little attention doesnt hurt
anyway i promised him that he would always have my heart
and by the time that my promise expires,
i would inform him right away and not let him linger on foolishly

anyway the other night was a blast too
oct 10 wednesday manang's USC Main
mane, fej, p, katline, doydoy & i were up for karaoke
we were like kids sweating from all the crazy acts
we eyed this guy bernard
long story short, stan gave him my number & he seemed interested
so we moved on to east west mango
& from there i got a green light from him
and once more i was "reset" (ask jannelle oka)
twice.
he was young (finally, glenda... i had my dream come true)
he seemed & said that he is a model (bench)
well he had a body & a face worth bragging
i dont give a damn of how it seemed to anyone
all that mattered to me was that
i lived my dream
i pushed my luck
& i ended up alive & contented

oct.9 somar
jek2 was once more pushing to some guy rusel
but it seemed like rolan (another guy) was showing some interest
this time i was with fej, p, vanyang & katline (AR dash)
so jek2 was texting me forcing me to be okay to give out my number
which i wasn't
& it ended up with him admitting
that he was interested in me
but that it was just a bit too risky & tasking for him having atits around
but i wasnt hoping for anything anyway
just with the mere fact that i knew
that this guy who was so attractive
who everybody found attractive
was interested in me, was enough for me to know
vanyang & fej were showing (true or not)
that they were upset with me having swept 3 guys in one night
to look into my direction & pursue me

oct. 5 friday
i was nagging to a friend about his stupid bestfriend
and how bestfriend (BF) was acting weird about our "agreement"
he was laughing along with me
& we ended up reseting me from a 4 month drought
after the reset though
that was the only time i realized that he was actually hot
and i recalled that he was nominated as a hunk of the batch
then i thought no wonder.
we saw each other the next day
acted cool as if nothing happened
just as i wanted
we stayed friends.

oct. 4 Grad Ball
Stupid BF who i had a mutual agreement with
broke the carnal rule of what i offered him
which he conciously accepted
he broke through the perimeters of friendship
he ventured on the path of infidelity (as defined by me)
and as if his lip lock wasn't bad enough (more of tongue choke)
he had to open his mouth & blurt out THE WORDS
THE WORDS that i refuse to ever believe
THE WORDS that are so overused, misused & misconstrued
THE WORDS that make up valentine cards
a significant revulsion suddenly erupted in me when i heard it

*hint*
Stupid BF- see Sar
Easy Going BF - dI Ko


i have no i idea where i am going
what i am going to do and
who i am going to be after playing the role of a student for so long.
graduation blues.
you don't get it until you're there.
i'm there.
i should start calling this graduation black!
the confusion is so hazy, it's blinding.