post graduate syndrome

well its not actually a syndrome.
its just what i am experiencing.
i never thought i'd ever be a bum
having had my first real job when i was 16.
but i am a professional bum now.
i think i choose to be bum
because i want to pick out a career
that is good for a long term plan.
not just an easy cash scam.
im scared to apply for any job
because im afraid
that i might get stuck with a trashy job
not only for the moment but for...ever!
i really dont know what i am passionate about
since i am sooo passionate about many things
yea yea
i am a jack of all trades
but can i be a master of one?
i feel like a kid again.
soul searching.
but this time around...
its more difficult
because although i tell myself to keep an open head
there are just things that an adult is jaded about
rather than being a kid, who explores whatever unbiased.
but sure enough there's one thing i am doing better now
than when i was soul searching as a kid.
i no longer worry about how long this search takes.
i no longer worry about what the outcome is.
i no longer worry what i must do when i know the outcome.
i no longer worry but i still grind my neurons.

haha
this makes me recall the time when i was a junior in high school.
i was meditated. i asked for divine intervention,
i damaged not only my studies but also my relationship with others.
i isolated myself.
i acted weird.
this time around, ill try the more lax approach.
after all, im already an adult.
and as i have observed when i was young,
adults always seem SO CALM, SO KNOWING and SO SURE.
HA!
i found out now, because i'm already one,
that what i have observed wasnt true.
they just SEEM calm
(learning that the mind should have a conclusion before the mouth opens)
they only know how to PROJECT a knowledgeable mien
(by softly nodding & making eye contact to disguise uncertainty)
and they simply SOUND sure
(in a careful manner to avoid slurs, mistakes or further inquisition)